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August 2009
Index of all
messages
from the Association President
Listening well makes a difference in good communication
By Barb Cline, AAR President
It has been said that listening is as powerful a means of communication as is speaking well. Listening is a skill; just like any other skill, it takes effort and thought to do it well.
Real estate agents are sometimes criticized by the public for failing at this skill. “He/she didn’t listen to me,” they say. “He/she didn’t show me what I wanted. He/she didn’t hear what I said.”
Lack of attention and respectful listening can be costly: it can lead to mistakes, to poor service, to misaligned goals, wasted time and lack of success. For these reasons, there seems to be a growing realization of the importance of solid listening skills in business.
Build a solid foundation
This is why the foundation of your communication style must include solid listening skills. You can’t sell unless you understand your clients’ or customers’ motivation. What is it that puts them in the market to buy or sell? You must listen to comprehend.
It is how you listen that is so important. By listening in a way that demonstrates understanding and respect, you develop rapport, which is the true foundation from which you can sell and influence others.
Practice these tips and your listening skills will improve:
Give the speaker 100 percent of your attention.
Prove you care by suspending all other activities. If you’re with the person, make eye contact.
Respond to the speaker.
Responses can be both verbal and nonverbal (nod, lean in, use facial expressions). They must prove that you received the message and – more importantly – that it had an impact on you. Speak at approximately the same energy level as the other person and he or she will know you heard the message.
Prove understanding.
To say “I understand” is not enough. People need some sort of evidence. Prove you got what they said by occasionally restating the gist of their idea or by asking a question which proves you know the main idea. The important point is not to repeat what they said to prove you were listening, but to prove that you understand. The difference in these two intentions transmits remarkably different messages when you are communicating.
Prove respect.
Show that you take other views seriously by listening without judgment. It is imperative that you refrain from judging the speaker’s views and feelings. Allow the speaker to share thoughts and feelings and come to his or her own conclusion. Most of us tend to give advice or try to lead a speaker to a solution. What that often communicates is that we believe he or she is unable to solve the situation alone. This will rarely bring out the best in people. Try to say through your listening skills that you support the speaker’s thoughts and feelings and know he or she will find the best solution.
In general, most of us have a tendency to give responses that are too lengthy and leading. A good listener keeps it simple by responding to the speaker – summarizing, paraphrasing, nodding, asking for more information, asking for the speaker’s thoughts and feelings.
But keeping it simple isn’t necessarily easy. Listening to and acknowledging other people doesn’t sound too tough , but doing it well, particularly when disagreements arise, takes true talent. As with any skill, listening well takes plenty of practice. When you listen well, you do, indeed, make a difference!
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